Life in Color
by shirleypositive72
Summary: She's been living life in grayscale. Then an unexpected text brings with it splashes of color. New Moon-ish. Very short chapters. J/B.
1. Grayscale

The beginning of this tale embarrasses me. Bookworm mouse discovers the existence of supernatural beings, too stupid to realize she has lived surrounded by them for months. Mouse pulls her nose out of _Pride and Prejudice_ just long enough to fall in scary-love with the brooding, ever-moving flea and piss off the loyal, if disobedient, dog. Mouse is caught in her own trap. And abandoned. Left behind. Forgotten. The flea and the dog content to torment each other, being natural enemies and all. Content to torment themselves.

I have to think of the entire mess in these bullshit, acid trip fairytale terms. It's too hard to remind myself of how truly idiotic I was. How dependent on an obviously unattainable outcome I was. How easily forsaken I was. How utterly unaware of the complete ridiculousness of the situation I was.

So Edward - my darkly romantic, ironically Byronic undead not-lover - told me he loved me then walked away. Left me to wander in spongy mud through moldy leaves. That's not even figurative; I totally walked through the wet forest and got lost, like some demented Snow White. I was humiliatingly rescued by noble-by-default Native American locals. My barely remembered childhood friend Jacob - a less noble but no less Native boy - became my crutch. He knew it, I knew it, he didn't care. Though he did seem to become less interested after he revealed his hidden talent. Magic tricks are one thing, but Jacob went full-on Sirius Black on me. I kept my distance from the animagus from then on.

Times were bleak and dark and depressed in the Swan household, and not the trendy Goth kind of bleak, dark, and depressed. No, this was the find-some-kind-of-in-treatment sort depression. The real shit. And let's not forget the hallucinations. Yeah, those were fun. They were certainly the only color in what had become my grayscale world.

No vampire family; no werewolf tribe; no human classmates because I hated those bitches from the start anyway. Selfish mother reliving her twenties, loving father who had no idea how to parent.

And me.

Bella.

Queen of Worry Inducing, Self-Created Drama.

Plus, damn, _vampires and werewolves_.

I'm better now. I got up out of my chair, started moving around. Mostly because I stank, I'll be honest, but once I had that first shower and looked in the mirror, I realized that if the reflection scared the hell out of _me,_ my dad must really have been suffering. Even the selfish can think of others on occasion.

So, time to move on. Only beings with heartbeats and no fur allowed in my life from now on. Blah life, humdrum days, uneventful nights. I am resolved to grip tightly to normalcy.

Until there is a chirp coming from my phone. A text.

_**Can we meet?**_

_**-Jasper**_

It takes me less than a minute to decide. Through every scenario running around my mind, the one constant thought was that one of them remembered me. I wasn't completely forgotten. One of them wanted to see me. Maybe it wasn't the one I wanted to see, not the love interest or the bestish friend. So what if it was the one who accidentally tried to eat me that one time? It takes me less than a minute to decide to give back all of the normalcy I've fought for months to regain.

Fuck normalcy.

_**When and where?**_

_**-Bella**_

A/N: My first Twilight story in a while. Still don't own Twilight or its characters, but this story is my own. Chapters will be short, updated on Saturdays. First 5 chapters are already written. Needed to get back to my first fic inspiration, and needed to give back to my first readers.


	2. Shine Like Diamonds

"Are you alright?"

"Um. Well. I don't know. Can I have a minute, Jasper? Just like a minute to process."

"Certainly," the blond brother of my former boyfriend responds with a dip of his head. His Southern manners dictate that he rise from his chair as I get up to leave. I never really paid that much attention before, but he always did have that air of courtesy about him, even when he was so careful to keep his distance.

"I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere," I tell him before I leave the table at the little cafe in Port Angeles. Of course we went for coffee. This is Washington.

"I won't," he assures me with a sad smile on his face. It takes all I have in me not to make him pinky swear.

Jasper set the time and place quickly once I replied to his message. Only two days passed before we sat across from each other at a cute little bistro table in a cute little coffee shop. His news wasn't cute, though. His news was a horror story.

They're dead. Edward and Alice. My love and his. Burning bright as diamonds in the Italian sun one moment, headless and gone the next.

Jasper says that Edward was so bereft without me that he chose to die rather than live without his Bella. Makes perfect sense; too easy to just come back to me. Of course, he chose the most dramatic and self-centered suicide ever, and tweaked the Vampire Police. He stepped into the town square, threatening to reveal his kind to the humans. Alice, as he should have known, was way ahead of him. Well, not far enough ahead of him, as it turned out. She died trying to save his mopey ass. They both shone for a split second, unseen by the people around them, then paid the price for such vampy insolence.

They're dead. Gone. The death penalty meted out swiftly and with no time for goodbyes.

I find myself beside the water, just staring, just thinking. I know that Jasper is purposely being noisy when he comes up behind me. These guys could sit on your lap without you knowing it if they wanted to. Being courteous again.

"Why now?" I ask him, not looking at him yet. It's hard to think when you look at them. They're so beautiful. He's so beautiful.

"What do you mean?"

"Why reach out to me now? Why not come to me before he killed himself? Before he killed them both. Maybe I could have helped."

"Alice . . . Alice nearly did. She knew for a long time that you were struggling. At first, she couldn't see you at all. You were a blank, a clean sheet for her. Then suddenly you appeared in her visions again."

"Wolfy magic. Now you see me, now you don't," I whisper. I know he hears me, but he doesn't ask.

"She was afraid for you, but Edward made her promise not to contact you."

"Less chance of noble sacrifice if she did. He would be denied martyrdom."

"So cynical now, Bella."

"I guess so," I agree, finally turning to face him.

"And Edward? No tears for him? Or Alice?"

"You guys ripped my heart out. I had to shove it back in. I don't think it works anymore."

"Are you alright?" he asks me again, a crack in his old voice, an emotional kink in an otherwise perfectly crafted armor.

"Are you?" He has lost the other half of himself, after all.

"I have no idea, to be honest. We were all so unaccustomed to surprises. Alice never allowed them, not the bad ones. And pain, Bella. Pain is not something that we have had in our lives in such a very long time. This goes so deep that I can't mask it completely. I can only keep it at bay. But it's there, nipping at the edges."

"So, what _do _you feel?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all."

**A/N: Don't own Twilight. Thank you all for the reviews, follows, and favorites. I missed this fandom! If you also like to roll around in the Supernatural sandbox, check out some of those stories on my profile.**


	3. Washed Out

**AN: Updating a day early because I might not be around a computer tomorrow. Still don't own Twilight, but I do have a framed Jackson Rathbone autograph in my living room.**

"Where have you been, Bells?" Dad asks as soon as I get out of the truck. He can't seem to decide between angry concern and cautious relief. I'm not really shocked; it's the first time I've voluntarily left the house on my own in months. School has not been voluntary; Dad forced me every day.

"Port Angeles. Needed decent coffee."

"Well, that's bullshit." That's my dad; calls it like he sees it.

"Yeah. It is." No need to lie. Much. "I just needed to get away, Dad. New surroundings. Slightly different anyway. I had lunch. I really did get a coffee," I assure him with what must be the first genuine smile in recent memory.

"Proud of you, Bella."

"Uh, why?"

"You went on your own. I didn't have to threaten or bribe you. Seems like you took a little control today," he says all at once. That's more words than he normally cares to say all at one time.

"Yes, I think you're right. I took back a little bit of control today." By the quirk of his eyebrows, I know that he caught the small distinction there. I did, too. Well.

Up in my room, I look around in pure disgust. Holy shit, how was I not removed from the home? This has to be toxic. How could I stand it? Was I really that out of it before today? No, not today. Things changed when I read the text. Those few words from Jasper helped snap me fully out of a very dark place. I knew it had been bad. But really. Seriously. This room is unbelievably gross.

Grabbing clothes off the floor, I just start shoving dirty shit into the hamper in the corner. But then I notice everything is on the floor. It isn't just clothes. Books, CDs, photos. The fairy lights that had hung above my bed. A broken mirror. Things that represented me. Tossed aside, like I was devoid of all value.

How sad I must have been. It's all a washed out blur to me now. I had been so stupid. So dumb. I nearly lost myself. I nearly threw myself away.

Two hours after I begin my hazmat project, I step out of my decontamination shower. My ribs are much more visible than I would like them to be. I don't look sick, but I don't exactly look healthy, either. Truthfully, I don't remember a single mouthful of food that I've eaten before today. I know I _have_ eaten, it's just all been tasteless. All about that little nagging instinct of survival in my head. Certainly wasn't eating for enjoyment.

I look away from my pale body into the sunken eyes in the mirror. Good God, my skin is awful. Just, no. So bad. I'm all set to tackle the blackheads when I hear a chirp from my phone. Before I reach it, I have enough time to realize that if I look this awful to myself, Jasper's super sight was able to catalog each and every flaw. But what the hell do I care?

**Thank you**

**-Jasper**

He's thanking me. Why, I have no idea. I realized on the ride home that I hadn't even told him I was sorry Alice is dead. Sorry for him, anyway. Thanking me?

**Why?**

**-Bella**

No response. I wish I had it in me to be surprised. A little disappointed, yes. I guess I was hoping for the conversation. Yeah, I'm disappointed.

But not broken.

**AN: Slow burn. Slow. Stick with it; they get naked eventually. LOL! Thank you to those who are reviewing, favoriting, and following.**


	4. Not So Silent

**AN: Sorry! I was away from the computer this weekend. Here's the update.**

My toe, though. Pretty damn sure _that's_ broken. Isn't that the way it always works? Clean your room, put everything away, trip over nothing. I drop to the floor to hold my toe, throbbing and jagged, and scrape my thigh on the raised board that tried to kill me.

"House is falling apart," I mumble, and try to press the corner of the board down. It won't budge. Grabbing a shoe from under my bed, I make an attempt to bang it back into place with no success. Instead the other side pops up, too. And there's something under there.

"What the hell?" I think I know what it is the instant my fingers touch the glossy paper. It's a distinctive material, photo paper. And, seriously, what other picture would be hidden, would be found in a way that caused me actual pain? That drew fucking blood? "Edward," I breathe. I'm not even sure if the sound is wistful, sad, frustrated, or bored. My best guess is all of the above.

"I knew he wouldn't be able to make a clean break."

The squeal might be forgiven under the circumstances. Throwing the CD in my hands at Jasper might not be forgotten so easily. He caught it, though, so I guess it's cool.

"What the hell are you doing at my window, you perv?"

"I smelled the blood," he says quietly, nodding his head toward my toe. I shivered slightly at his words. I think he was holding back a smile at that, and I can't quite figure out why I like that

"You just happened to be close enough," I challenge him as I get up and walk across the floor. I reach my hand out to take back the CD, and he placed it gently in my hand. Then he wouldn't let it go.

"I was hanging around trying to decide if I was going to call you. Then you cut yourself, and my decision was made." He let go as I turn away.

"Just too hard to resist, huh? Still want a taste?" I stop when I realize what I've just said. "I swear I didn't mean it the way that sounded. He huffs something that might be a sound of amusement.

"No, I know what you mean. This time I wasn't hungry. This time I wanted to see if you were okay." Sitting there on his perch, lounging languidly on my windowsill, he is completely earnest. Ans I believe him.

"Well, come in." I peek over my shoulder to see if he's coming, and he is, unfolding his legs with an elegance that my former beau only dreamed of. Had I really never noticed? "I'm fine. Just a little shocked to find the gifts he took from me then gave back, I guess."

"He should have just destroyed them," he says with some kind of almost-emotion.

"At the time, though, I really needed these. If I'd found them earlier, these might have meant something to me. The picture, especially." I pause and grin. "For someone who could never read my mind, he knew exactly what I wanted. He always did."

"Bullshit."

"What?"

"Bella. Have you really not figured it out?"

"What are you talking about?"

"He said it made being with you more manageable."

"What the FUCK are you talking about?" But I think I've got it now.

"He could always read your mind."

**AN: Hmmmm. Thoughts?**


	5. Tiny Beads

**AN: Happy Mother's Day! I was hoping someone would give me Twilight for my very own, but no dice. It still isn't mine.**

"Wow, Jasper. Just a constant source of new information these days, aren't you?"

"I'm sorry that upsets you," he says evenly.

"You sound really sorry. Sorry you told me? Sorry that he lied me? Sorry that I believed it or that your _entire fucking family_ pretended it was the truth?" I yell, then drag in a deep, wet breath and shake my head. "I really was just the pet."

"No, you were not," he whispers through clenched teeth, only inches from my face. I never saw him move. "You were everything to him. Everything, Bella. He was just too young, a romantic child who could never change or mature. But he loved you, in the only way he understood."

"He caused me so much pain."

"I know."

"And you let him. All of you."

"I know. And your pain is why I'm sorry. I thought knowing the truth would, I don't know, show you how he tried, show you how he felt." He struggles to explain, appearing for a moment like the teenaged boy he pretends to be.

"Yeah, he felt I was more manageable."

"That's not what I meant. It made being with you easier if you didn't know he could hear your every thought, your every idea and yearning. He wanted you to feel like you had privacy, that your thoughts were your own. It was hard for him."

"It was hard for me, too. I thought I was defective, Jasper."

"I know. I was the one who felt your every emotion."

I have to step back from him, two big steps away. It has always been so easy to forget what Jasper can do. And it can be a little scary when you remember it. He feels the love and hate and excitement and fear and confidence and confusion and indifference of each and every person in his life. The friends, the family, the strangers and, at one time, the prey. I feel sorry for him now that there is some space between us.

"Don't."

"What?"

"Don't feel sorry for me. I don't need the sympathy. I don't enjoy it nearly as much as the anger you were feeling a moment ago. Even the little bit fear you experienced was preferable to this."

"So glad I can entertain, you frozen asshole," I snap at him. I push against his chest knowing it won't budge him. Strange, the things we do in reflex.

Like his grabbing me around the waist and pulling me closer, inhaling so very deeply. Pretty sure that was _his_ reflex.

"You aren't entertainment, Bella. You are . . life, I guess. I have closed down the pain in my soul, but it deadens everything else along with it. You are so, so bright. So alive. So familiar. I can feel through you."

"Is that why you came to me with so much interesting news? To feed off my feelings?"

"No."

"I bet you can't help yourself."

"Yes, I can. I can and will leave if you want me to. I can walk away from all those emotions. I can control myself just like I'm controlling my desire for the blood still slowly rolling in tiny beads from the cut on your thigh."

His eyes, those honey-colored eyes that are the same color I once gazed into in delusional longing, have grown heated, warmer, piercing. He is looking into me with those eyes.

Both of us fighting so hard for control we have lost and found. Control we crave and resent.

"I don't want control right now, Jasper."

He bends at the knees, lowers himself with animal grace, and runs one cold finger up my leg, under the towel I'm still wearing from my long-forgotten shower, and captures the red liquid his instincts tell him his body needs like mine needs air.

He licks his finger, puts the drop on his tongue where I can see it, and says, "Neither do I."

**AN: May have to move updates to Sunday for good. Saturdays are crazy busy. Thanks for reading. And thank you for the reviews, good and lukewarm, lol. I don't mind honesty as long as it's polite, and everyone has been polite. LOL**


	6. Technicolor

**AN: Please forgive the absence. RL have been personally very difficult. The Lists has been nominated for Boomerang Fic and 5ever Fic in the TwiFic Fandom Awards. Wow. It's the story that keeps on giving! I am so grateful.**

TECHNICOLOR

Things can change so much in the blink of an eye, the beat of a heart, the flick of a tongue. Jasper's tongue took on the red of my blood and everything changed just as sure as Dorothy's world changed from the black and white of the Kansas plains to the technicolor of Oz.

Every deeping, quickening breath brings with it bursts of color. The white- blond of Jasper's hair, the faded blue of the terrycloth towel I have let fall to the ground, the red of my own blood. I feel alive with each bright return of all the things I've lost. Excitement, anticipation, passion. So much damn much passion.

I release a deep groan when he caresses from my belly to my hip. He stops for just the slightest moment and glances toward the door of my room. He turns his face to me and gives a lazy as all hell grin. I hear Charlie slam out the door and into his truck, then drive away.

"I sent him a bit of restlessness. He'll be out and about for a while now. You will be much too loud for him to stay."

"Oh my God," is all I have time to say before he has lifted me with one hand and grips my chin with the other. He holds my face so close to him, ensures focused eye contact.

"Are you completely certain, Bella? Right now, decide. Are you sure?"

"Yes." It's a whisper, just a breath. It's enough.

Before I know we've moves, I'm on my back on the soft comfort of my bed, covered entirely by the the hard, cold, anything but comfortable presence of Jasper. He takes the briefest beat to really look at me then lowers his mouth to mine.

I've kissed a vampire before. It isn't a shocking feeling. The sensation is hard to forget. The almost burning cold, the disconcerting realization that the only breath is mine. No damp, mingling heat of excited panting, the excited, involuntary release of pent up passion. Edward kissed me often. And he was damn good at it.

But this is different, so much better, so much more aggressive intention. Jasper kisses me not with trepidation and control, but with promise and abandon. It makes me so excited for what comes next. But a small, girlish, fucking _stupid _part of me mourns for what might have been for Edward and me. If he had ever let it happen.

Jasper must feel me drifting into the past, away from the here and now, because he makes damn well certain to get my attention. Never lifting his lips from mine, he raises the small of my back to adjust me ever so slightly and grinds into me, rock hard and wanting. I find myself so embarrassingly wet for him already, and he's spent no time on foreplay. Go figure. I can't wait. I can't.

"Now, Jasper. Shit, just do it!"

My answer is a growl and the brief moment of his absence as he finally takes off his clothes. He's back above me before my skin even begins to warm.

"Bella, are you still pure?"

A laugh escapes, sounding so wrong in this particular situation, but there it is. "You mean am I still a frustrated virgin? No."

"Really?" he asks, apparently a bit surprised by that answer. I raise my hips and we touch, skin on skin, and he kind of doesn't seem to give a shit anymore.

Swooping down to retake my lips, he positions himself to take me completely. One stroke, steady and sure. I'm ready for him, so ready, and the cold is like nothing else I've ever felt. It sure eases his progress, whether from the shock of it or whether the chill makes it easier somehow, I don't know. I don't give a damn, anyway, because it feels so damn good. Strange, unfamiliar, a little weird, but _good_.

He doesn't ask if I'm okay, though I kind of expected it. Even my one prior hookup asked that question. But then I remember he can feel not only my body, he feels my every emotion. He knows I'm enjoying this ride so far.

He moves at a pace that is quite energetic in my eyes, but must be frustratingly slow for him. He thrusts a bit faster and a sound of not quite pain but not quite pleasure escapes me and he stills. I almost see the thoughts moving rapidly behind his eyes and almost try to ease what I assume is his guilt.

It isn't.

Instead of a brooding apology and a sudden stop to our activities, he rolls us with nauseating speed until I'm leaning on my knees, seated atop this godlike creature. He's still inside me, still hard, still cold, still ready to bring us both pleasure. And I move on him, ready to take all the pleasure I can.

His hands grip my ass, surely leaving bruises. His hands move up, grazing my breasts, teasing the nipples, being as careful as he can. I move faster, encouraged by the roll and snap of his hips and the feral look on his face. There is definitely a give and take of sensation in both the physical sense and the emotional connection only he can offer. I ride the wave with more and more need, more and more want, more and more confidence. We crest it together.

I collapse, sweaty and satiated next to him.

And think about what I've just done.


	7. A New Palette

**AN: Don't own Twilight. Stay tuned for the AN at the end.**

A FRESH PALETTE

"It was revenge." I know it. I knew it before I felt him on me, in me, everywhere. "Wasn't it?"

"Yes, I reckon it was, Bella. In my own way. In yours, too."

I pull the sheet over me, not having felt the need to cover myself before this moment. Honesty is best served naked, but isn't the instinct always to cover it up? He watches peripherally, and I know he understands completely. He can feel the sudden shame. I am a bit too fucking exposed all of a sudden.

"Who are you punishing?"

"Myself." He turns to face me now, a look of familiar resignation on his gorgeous face. He sighs in an extraordinarily human show of self-exasperation. "Alice. Edward," he finally adds with a lift of his brow.

"Me, too," I tell him. He rolls with unimaginable grace to face me straight on.

"I know Alice went to him freely. It didn't shock me in the least that that she gave up everything for him. He was her brother in every way but birth. He meant that much to her. But in a way . . ., I don't know, Bella. In a way, he took her from me. I guess I needed to take you from him. To take what he never allowed you to give him. Same reason I told you he could hear you, I guess."

"Not the same, Jasper."

"I know. I didn't have this motive in mind before I came through your window. I never intended to tell you about the mind reading, either. I don't think I did, anyway. Even I can lie to myself from time to time."

"This never even crossed my mind until it was happening. But I'm glad it did," I admit to him, shivering. It's gotten so damn cold lying here beside him. He grabs my comforter from the floor beside the bed and tucks my it around me in what would be a tender gesture if it hadn't been done with preternatural speed. Tucked in by the sexy, frozen vampire you just fucked. Strange.

"But I get it. I guess I wanted to do the same thing. To give away what he can't ever have. But we're both stupid."

"What?"

"I gave that away to some random guy a while ago."

"Yeah, uh, about that," he smiles. That's the smile he used to save for Alice. The smile of perplexed amusement. Her smile. But Alice isn't here. I guess it's my smile now.

"I banged some guy a few months ago while I was testing out alcohol as a coping mechanism. It wasn't working so I thought I'd give sex a shot at the job."

"And?"

"Yet another failure. This was much better," I smirk.

"Glad to hear it."

He gets up, leaving the sheets, the bed, me behind. It's obvious he's consciously slowing his movements, aware of humanity close by. It makes me sad to really think of how they all had to do this, they all had to suppress the reality of their own existence to accommodate my own. I feel sorry for the Cullens. Things are certainly changing.

"Leaving?"

"I think it's time. Don't you?"

"Are you coming back? Like, ever?"

"Do you really want me to, Bella?"

"Right now I don't know. I think so. Maybe." I can only shake my head, confused by my own feelings. They are a bit unfamiliar to me these days. "At least I get the farewell scene this time."

He gives me a lopsided smile, one that I realize I'd seen so many times before but never actually took in. It's real, it's sad, it's beautiful. It's Jasper. "Thank you."

"For the sex?"

"For the wake up."

"Good bye, Jasper."

It feels so fucking final. And I needed to say it. He bows in the most courtly way, an action that would be absurd from any other man, but from Jasper it is so perfect. And then he's gone.

All the love, drama, melodrama, naivete, pain, fear - it's all gone.

They're all finally gone.

And I'm left with this new person who is me.

**AN: So that's it. Not just for this story, but for my Twilight fic adventures. I am still writing, but I think this is where my Twilight inspiration ends. Thank you so damn much to every single person who has ever read, liked, or reviewed my words. Thanks for still being around. **


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